NO LIFT, NO SUPPORT

Ok, some of you might actually find this story funny. In fact, I believe that everyone will find this story funny. Unless you’re me, of course. Or it happened to you.
What happened you ask? I had a door fall on me.

This is a True Story I Call NO LIFT, NO SUPPORT

A couple of months ago the lift supports for the hatchback on my jeep started to slowly go out. The door wouldn’t stay open very long, and would slowly start to close. It would seem like it would stay up, but as soon as I would go to put something in, or take something out, the damn thing would close on my head.

My car was trying to kill me!

It gets worse, every single one of my mom’s dumbass clients thought they knew how to fix it. All had the same exact idea: Twist it and tighten it up. No one paid attention to me that these lifts aren’t pneumatic but gas. Tighten them up wouldn’t work (on pneumatic either).

Problem was, it did seem to work . . . until it turned out that I WAS RIGHT!

My car really was trying to kill me! It was trying to eat me!

Oh, and twisting the lift supports didn’t work either.

It was a Sunday morning, my Mom and I were at a client’s house. She was inside and I was getting something from the back of the Jeep Liberty. What I needed rolled all the way to the back of the trunk area and lodge behind the back seats. They were seated up, not laid down. I reached all the way in to get the item . . .

AHHHH!!!! The damn door slammed shut on the small of my back! It bounded twice (seeing, EATING ME!)

Of course I could just slide out under the door right? Right?!

Nice such luck. The damn metal hook on the door that latches into the lock got caught on my belt. If I tried to move, the door moved with me. I was stuck.

“MOM!” I yelled a few times. Nothing. I moved, squirmed, wiggled a few times. Nothing.

Then it happened . . . the worst possible thing.

I heard laughing. Laughing! But there was no help forthcoming.

“Get out of there,” my mom said.

I couldn’t, I was hooked to the hatchback door!

Finally someone helped me. This person realized that I wasn’t goofing around. They were able to get me unhooked, and pushed the door up. I slide out. They let the door go. It slammed shut, hard. My lower back had a large bruiser on it I would see minutes later in a mirror.

There were about seven or eight people standing around laughing. My mom thought it was funny. She never heard me call her. She came out looking for me, and said that all she could see were two legs sticking out the back of the car.

ACE