DUMB ASS

Ok, this story takes place sometime around 1994/1995. I remember this event and the few minutes quite clearly, and I know I was around 20 or 21 at the time because I was in college. Plus, at this time I was driving a Saturn (loved that car), and that was the only time in my life that I owned one.

This was late at night, around 10:00 P.M. or so one evening. I don’t remember what day, but I do remember – now that I am writing this – I was heading home from closing up the store I worked at in a Mall.

The only real details that matter here are those of the actual event. What year, day and even my age are not really relevant to this particular true store.

This is a True Story I call DUMB ASS – for the lack of a better name right now. Dumb Ass can refer to myself and/or the other guy in this tale.

I was heading home one night and it was fairly dark, with only my headlights and dull street lights to light the way. It had to be a week night, because the streets were fairly empty – which was a very good thing.

The drive from work to home was normally about twenty minutes, but with little traffic I was making excellent time, until I drove by my college campus and run into Dumb Ass!

From out of nowhere some guy came screaming down the road in his car behind me. I could hear the car before I saw it in my rear view mirror. There was no reason for the speed he was going, and no way he wasn’t going to slam into me.

I was in the curb, outside lane. I switched lanes to get out of this guy’s way. That is when this happened: Dumb Ass slowed down, came up beside me, honked his horn a number of times, laughed at me when I finally looked over and flicked me off. He then suddenly gunned it and barreled into my lane, cutting me off and almost crashing into the front of my car.

I slammed on my brakes, swerved into the left turn lane to avoid being hit and almost spun out. Fortunately no one else was on the road and I was able to control the car. I sat there, heart pounding, thoughts racing of everything that could have happen.

Then I did what any sane, rational person would do: I calmed down, let it go and went home.

AFTER I taught this bitch a lesson. I put the car in gear, slammed the gas and screeched off after his ass. I was pissed. Whomever this was thought it was fucking funny to try and run me off the road on purpose.

I was way above the speed limit when I caught up with him, lights be damned. I pulled up beside him for the briefest of seconds, then gunned it ahead a few car lengths, pulled over in front of him and hit my brakes.

This forced him to slow down and swerve into the other lane – almost spinning out himself.

I didn’t care and neither did he. We both did this a few more times, cutting each off as we raced down the road. This continued until we came to a major intersection and the light turned red as we came up to it. There were no cars around, and neither of us could stop in time.

I cut across in front of him, then slowed down and turned left the best I could. There was no way I could stop in time for the red.

Neither could he. He jammed his brakes on, and one of his back tires blew out!

After doing my illegal, through the red light left turn, I pulled off to the side of the road. I watched as smoke poured from his car, saw him skid through the intersection, and finally pull off into a strip mall parking lot.

Pieces of tire were flung across the street. Even parked, smoke still emanated from his car. I watched as he excited the car, popped the hood and a jet of smoke rose from the engine. Boy, was he pissed! He blew a gasket!

NOW I let it go and went home.

Yeah, I know in this situation I was just as bad and in the wrong as this guy. I shouldn’t have done it, but I did. I did mention that Dumb Ass could be applied to him and/or ME.

Ace.