TIE ONE DOWN

Man, you know, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs. That doesn’t make me boring. It makes me, me.

Things is, I always get the ‘You’re boring,’ thing from people, even though I often do more than they do. But once in a while I come across someone who really doesn’t like the fact that I won’t have a beer or drink, or smoke with them.

The kind of person that threatens to MAKE ONE do it.

This is a True Story I Call TIE ONE DOWN

This happened many years ago, around 1995/96. I’m out of college, looking for work and struggling with my writing. I have my degree in Business and Work Study experience in one hand, and my writing resume already filled with dozens of published credits in the other.

While working a part time job at a mail processing company (I worked there during my last semester in college as well), I made friends with an artist co-worker. We both wanted to work in comics, so we clicked.

His artwork was passable, but not great and needed to be refined. It didn’t really suit any of my stories, but it worked fine for his. We agreed that I would write the comic book series based on his characters and original idea, he would draw it and we would submit it out.

Through him I made some other friends and we all started to hang out on a regular basis. Unfortunately nothing ever really happened on his side of the deal. I wrote stuff, but the art was very slow forthcoming.

He liked to drink – a lot – and was always trying to get me to have a beer. I never did. It started to take a strain on what I thought was a friendship. He really didn’t like the fact that I didn’t drink, and somehow thought I was disrespecting him by not having a beer with him.

It came to a head during his birthday party at a club his uncle managed. I don’t even know if the place still exists, or what the name of the club was.

It began about two weeks before the party. He told me about the party and invited me. All was good until a few days later when he told me that if I was coming I was going to have a beer. I told him I wasn’t. End of story.

A couple of days before the party he brought up the beer issue again. This time telling me that he’d make me have one if I didn’t do it myself. That should have been a clue, but I was being a friend, and thought he was.

I went to the party, had a good time for a little while, then it happened. Stupid of me to go to the party in the first place. I was sitting at a table with a few people when he walked over with two beers in hand. One was for me.

I don’t drink.

He was really FUCKING serious about this. Two of the bouncers that worked for his uncle came up to either side of me. Both encouraging me to drink the beer. Before I answered, he told me that if I didn’t, he’d force the beer down my throat.

The people at the table didn’t like this. Some just said for me to drink the beer. Two girls told him to leave me alone.

I was pissed. I slammed a fist to the table, grabbed the beer, stood up . . .

He raised his glass, expecting a toast . . .

And I emptied the beer into his face. He froze in shock. I grabbed the beer from his hand and poured it out over his head and into his lap.

The bouncers didn’t do anything as I backed off from the table. They thought this was just some game between friends, they didn’t realize I don’t drink and his threat wasn’t a joke.

The little fuck that he was recovered from the shock of what I did and started to make threats and tried to jump me. Now the bouncers did their job.

His shouting brought out his uncle. Some quick words of explanation and his uncle lit into him. Ironically, the bouncers backed me up. Turns out his uncle didn’t like him very much, but he was blood.

I really tried to hold back my anger at this point. I didn’t want to pour the beer on him, I wanted to put him through the window and into traffic.

I left the club, never to see the guy again. I later heard from someone I am still friends him that he was arrested for assaulting someone at a gas station.

Moral of this story: I DON’T DRINK.

Oh, and Friends (REAL FRIENDS) don’t force friends to do stuff.

Ace.