DO YOU WANT ME?

Does anyone remember during the ‘90’s that wearing a T-shirt that read PORNSTAR became fashionable? I worked at a mall and saw a lot of teen girls and adult woman wearing the shirts. Shockingly, many of them didn’t seem to understand that the shirt itself was the impetus of unwanted advances from men (that doesn’t excuse said men’s actions).

Well, I recently had a quite humorous encounter at a Wal-Mart that involved a shirt that had writing on it that was for more forward than PORNSTAR.

Read on for the brief This . . . This is a True Story I call

DO YOU WANT ME?

Since the summer I have been hosting some friends for the monthly WWE PPV at my house. On the way home from work a couple of days before one of the events, I stopped in at a Super Wal-Mart (I know, it’s a sin) to get some soda and ice.

The place was packed, especially with senior citizens, and getting around wasn’t easy. I planned on getting what I needed and getting out. As I went toward the back of the food section (Sodas are always in the back, dammit), I walked past this African-American women who was probably in her fifties. I couldn’t help but notice the shirt she was wearing.

The text on the shirt read:

I’m Sexy.

Do you want me?

I chuckled and let it go.

That is, until a couple of minutes later and I found myself caught in the middle of a confrontation between that woman and someone else in the soda isle.

Something was going on between I’m Sexy and an elderly couple, right in front of the Coca-Cola I was trying to get to. I waited a minute, but no one was moving. Finally, I step over and said excuse me. Poor move.

I’m Sexy jumped, guns blazing and went for my chin. I don’t know what her problem was, but instead of politely letting me grab some coke, she asked me what my fucking problem was.

She kept going, yelling and fucking this and that. She was really pissed when she asked me, “What are you looking at?”

I answered, “Yes.”

She was confused, obviously. Demanding to know, yes what? A fuck was thrown in for good measure.

I answered, “Yes, I want you.”

Ever witness a volcanic explosion? I might have at the point. I thought she was going to call the cops me. There was more cursing, a couple of threats, calling me a pervert, and a complete not-understanding of anything.

I said, “Well, you asked.”

She still didn’t get it.

I finally told her, “You’re shirt. It reads, ‘I’m sexy. Do you want me?’ You asked, I answered.”

The situation suddenly defused, she blushed and seemed extremely embarrassed. Nothing more was said and she quickly grabbed her cart and left the isle.

Of course, I didn’t want her. I just wanted out of the situation I had nothing to do with. I also didn’t appreciate being verbally assaulted like that. We weren’t the only ones in the isle, a few people witnessed the entire exchange. Some of them were laughing.

I couldn’t help thinking the whole thing was hilarious.

I have to admit though, when I checked out and went to my car, I was a little concerned. I half expected a Wal-Mart employee to approach me. Hell, it even ran through my mind that she may have called the cops.

Nothing happened though.

Ace Masters