I'M ALIVE

Today is a rather special day. It was one year ago to the day yesterday evening that I suffered my brain aneurysm. It was one year ago today that I woke up alive after surviving the aneurysm and six-hour surgery.

I have never smoked, don’t drink and don’t do drugs – including 420. They call it ‘straight edge’ now, but I was that long before it was given that name.

I often get ridiculed for this and told I am boring. I have a new response to that bullshit, I’m Alive.

So read on for the true tale I call

I’M ALIVE

This tale isn’t about the aneurysm, but is part of that larger story.

Sometime Thursday morning I either woke or was woken by nurses and a doctor. The doctor, David Wilson, told me that I had just came out of six hours of surgery. I don’t remember if I said this to him, or just thought it, but my response was, “What the Hell are you talking about?” At this point I had no memory of the last few hours, and no idea what had happen.

Later that day I was having lunch when Doctor Wilson came to see me. (On a side note, lunch was two slices of pizza and a coke. In a hospital! True!!) Now that I was awake and functional he wanted to go over my vitals and explain to me what happened.

First things first, the aneurysm was the size of a baseball. In my forehead. It was the largest aneurysm he had ever dealt with, and the largest the hospital (Good Samaritan) had ever seen. I shouldn’t have lived long enough to get to the hospital, much less survived the surgery.

Point blank, I shouldn’t be alive. But I am, and he told me it is mostly due to me (Ace), not him or the other doctors who worked on me. Yes, the surgery saved my life, but according to the Doc, my lifestyle allowed me to live.

All my vitals were near perfect, Blood Pressure was good, Cholesterol was good, but my sugar was slightly elevated.

I told him I try to live and eat clean. Also, that I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs.
He answered, “I know. That is the only reason you are alive.”

That floored me.

He told me they did extensive tests and found no trace of alcohol, drugs or nicotine in my blood. Which also meant there were no impurities in my blood that they can cause. This meant the aneurysm went as smoothly as it possibly could.

What does that mean? My blood flowed smoothly and didn’t clog, which would have killed me. It also made it easier on the doctors during surgery. With no impurities to make my blood thick and slow, they were able to drain my brain cavity far easier than they would have been able too. It also made repairing the aneurysm easier.

Point blank, Doctor Wilson told me that if I had been a heavy drinker, or drug addict, I wouldn’t have lived.

Ace Masters

DO YOU WANT ME?

Does anyone remember during the ‘90’s that wearing a T-shirt that read PORNSTAR became fashionable? I worked at a mall and saw a lot of teen girls and adult woman wearing the shirts. Shockingly, many of them didn’t seem to understand that the shirt itself was the impetus of unwanted advances from men (that doesn’t excuse said men’s actions).

Well, I recently had a quite humorous encounter at a Wal-Mart that involved a shirt that had writing on it that was for more forward than PORNSTAR.

Read on for the brief This . . . This is a True Story I call

DO YOU WANT ME?

Since the summer I have been hosting some friends for the monthly WWE PPV at my house. On the way home from work a couple of days before one of the events, I stopped in at a Super Wal-Mart (I know, it’s a sin) to get some soda and ice.

The place was packed, especially with senior citizens, and getting around wasn’t easy. I planned on getting what I needed and getting out. As I went toward the back of the food section (Sodas are always in the back, dammit), I walked past this African-American women who was probably in her fifties. I couldn’t help but notice the shirt she was wearing.

The text on the shirt read:

I’m Sexy.

Do you want me?

I chuckled and let it go.

That is, until a couple of minutes later and I found myself caught in the middle of a confrontation between that woman and someone else in the soda isle.

Something was going on between I’m Sexy and an elderly couple, right in front of the Coca-Cola I was trying to get to. I waited a minute, but no one was moving. Finally, I step over and said excuse me. Poor move.

I’m Sexy jumped, guns blazing and went for my chin. I don’t know what her problem was, but instead of politely letting me grab some coke, she asked me what my fucking problem was.

She kept going, yelling and fucking this and that. She was really pissed when she asked me, “What are you looking at?”

I answered, “Yes.”

She was confused, obviously. Demanding to know, yes what? A fuck was thrown in for good measure.

I answered, “Yes, I want you.”

Ever witness a volcanic explosion? I might have at the point. I thought she was going to call the cops me. There was more cursing, a couple of threats, calling me a pervert, and a complete not-understanding of anything.

I said, “Well, you asked.”

She still didn’t get it.

I finally told her, “You’re shirt. It reads, ‘I’m sexy. Do you want me?’ You asked, I answered.”

The situation suddenly defused, she blushed and seemed extremely embarrassed. Nothing more was said and she quickly grabbed her cart and left the isle.

Of course, I didn’t want her. I just wanted out of the situation I had nothing to do with. I also didn’t appreciate being verbally assaulted like that. We weren’t the only ones in the isle, a few people witnessed the entire exchange. Some of them were laughing.

I couldn’t help thinking the whole thing was hilarious.

I have to admit though, when I checked out and went to my car, I was a little concerned. I half expected a Wal-Mart employee to approach me. Hell, it even ran through my mind that she may have called the cops.

Nothing happened though.

Ace Masters

WHERE DID THAT COME FROM

Ever do something stupid and embarrassing? Even smart people can be idiots at time.

I used to work for a billing firm in a building that also housed an office for a modeling agency, so there were a lot of attractive women around. The sad fact is most of them worked in my office!

I took some overtime one weekend and came in on a Saturday to help clean up the office, and made a fool out of myself.

Read on for the true tale

WHERE DID THAT COME FROM

The billing firm I worked for was located in down town Phoenix. It was a good job, good pay and a boss I was nuts for. I mean really nuts for, kinda puppy-dog-love-do-what-she-asked nuts for. She was two years younger than me, six feet tall, slim, dark haired and beautiful.

We became good friends, but nothing beyond that to my regret.

There were a lot of good looking models who came and went from the modelling agency, but none matched my boss. That is unbiased and honest. After a lot of prodding, I convince her to talk to them. She did.

Well, one weekend I took overtime and agreed to come in and help clean up the outside of the office after a monsoon. The office was on the ground floor and I took the task of cleaning the windows. I was actually cleaning the double glass doors when my boss walked out.

She was coming out of the modeling agency and looked stunning! And half naked. We talked for a few minutes, and I know I fumbled over a few words. I won’t tell you what I was thinking when she told me she got a gig for a lingerie catalog!

She was leaving to go home and like a horn dog I watched her walk to the car, and she waved to me when driving off.

Obviously, other things were on my mind when I turned around to go inside and WALKED INTO the clean glass door. Seriously, I walked into the damn door and almost knocked myself on my own ass.

The door was so clean that when I turned around, I thought it was open!

Ace Masters

I Don't Care, but it IS Important

Hello All and welcome to ‘This . . . This is a True Story’ on this fine Thursday. Thank you for returning to read another true tale from my life.

This happened way back in 1997. Then, I worked three jobs while saving up money for a move to LA. I worked part time for a mail processing company, weekends at a downtown Phoenix comic book store, and full time at a kiosk at Arrowhead Town Center selling art.

The kiosk was located in the second floor Food Court, right by a Hibachi-San (I ate a lot of Chinese during that employment), and faced Saturday Matinee, back in the day that was a movie and music store.

There was a girl who worked there that I became close with, but it didn’t work out.
I tell this story often, but I will have some more details here. Truth is, this story may not show me in the best light, but I have no issues with what I did.

Don’t you hate it when someone claims they don’t care about something, but then it turns out that what they claim to not care about is in fact something important to them?

I call this true tale

I Don't Care, but it IS Important

I believe her name was Sarah, the name will work for now though. I haven’t seen her since then, so the odds of her ever reading this are slim.

She worked at the Saturday Matinee, we couldn’t help but see each other almost every day. Unlike other employees that worked there, she used to wave to me kindly.
This was about the time that DVD’s stormed the market and I had just gotten a DVD player. I took a break one day and went into Saturday Matinee to look at the movies, and her. I officially meet her that day and we hit it off.

When our work schedules were similar we would hang out. I would go into the store. She spent breaks at the kiosk, and we often had lunch together. Our conversations ran the gambit of subjects, but seemed too often lead to one in particular: Relationships. A not so subtle hint on her part as I look back.

She liked me because I hadn’t hit on her, gotten sexual, or tried to ‘get’ with her. She often told me she wanted a serious relationship that was about more than sex. I quote, “I don’t care about sex. I want something more meaningful.” (I remember this wording explicitly).

While some may not believe this, I’ve never been all about sex. I want substance. So here was a girl who, like me, didn’t smoke, drink or do drugs and wanted more out of a relationship and life. It didn’t hurt that she was gorgeous as well.

I got up the balls and asked her out. The date was on.

I remember it was a Friday night, and I had a rare weekend off. Why not? Aren’t all dates on Friday?

I picked her up and we went to the restaurant, I think it was an Appleby’s or Olive Garden, some place she liked.

Once we were settled in at our booth, the turn began. Everything had been good up till then.

She told me that she had to ask me something important, before this went any further (I assume she meant the beginning of a ‘serious’ relationship). I was good and let her ask away.

“How big is your cock?” was the something important. I’m serious.

I’m sure the look on my face was shocking, I know I couldn’t believe she asked me. I clarified the questioned, and yeah it was a cock size question.

I responded by asking her, “Are those real?” Her breasts I meant. They were rather large and looked a little too firm (wink). Boy, did she get upset. I thought she was going to slap me at one point.

She told me, and I quote, “I’m serious. We’re going to fuck at some point, and I can’t cum with a small dick.” Oh, yes, I remember exactly what she said.

Come on . . . she spent weeks telling me she didn’t care about sex, that it didn’t matter to her, then she asked about the size of my xxxx?

What she said next was the impetus for what I did, “I need to know that you’re a real man.” Yep, she went there.

I said nothing, just took a drink of my coke. The night hadn’t turn out the way I wanted. No, I wasn’t looking to get laid. When I said I wanted more than sex, I meant it. When I asked if those were real that was only in response to her question.

Pissed and disappointed, I got up and left. I said nothing, walked out of the restaurant and drove home.

Yes, I left the bitch there at the restaurant.

Ace Masters

IT SAYS PULL

Welcome to the first This . . . This is a True Story story. That is, this is the first blog that chronicles a true story from my life.

This is actually my favorite story to tell and happened when I was about five or six. Yes, I do remember this incident vividly, even though I was so young.

I call this tale I call

IT SAYS PULL

I was an Air Force brat as my dad served in the US Air Force for 23 years. At this time in my life my dad had just been assigned to Cannon AFB in New Mexico, just outside the town of Clovis. We had been in Germany for the last year, though that has little bearing on this story.

Even though my dad was on leave when we arrived at Cannon AFB, to be able to find housing and get settled in, he had to check in the day after we arrived at the base.

My mom and I went with him to the base headquarters so he could sign in. I never went further than the main lobby, but I remember it was a big place and I wanted to look around. Of course my mom wouldn’t let me. Who in their right mind with let five/six year old wander around to their own devices?

Despite my mom’s vigilance in watching me while we waited, I found my path to freedom and went off to do my own thing.

And what a path I found myself on, as I set the entire base on Alert! Really, I did! A five year set a military base on full alert, with the headquarters on lock down!

Within minutes, Military EMTs, Firemen, and I believe MPs, stormed the lobby of the base headquarters, frantically scrambling for the emergency.

At the same time, personal in the building, including my dad and the base commander, were orderly – yeah, right – heading for the fire exits.

For you see, little bugger that I was, I had PULLED THE FIRE ALARM.

I remember watching everyone scrambling around. My mom was frantically looking for me and found me . . . along with my dad, the firemen and the base commander.

I was in trouble. At that age I didn’t understand what kind of trouble I could have gotten my father in. When they realized that I had pulled the fire alarm and there wasn’t an emergency and no fire, everyone was relieved and annoyed.

When asked, by just about everyone, WHY I had pulled the fire alarm, I gave them an honest answer.

It said PULL, so I PULLED!

The good news was, everyone was so relieved that there wasn’t a real emergency that they thought it was hilarious. Think about it, a five year old put a military base on full alert and lockdown by pulling the Fire Alarm!

Neither I, nor my dad, got in trouble for the stunt I pulled, too many people thought it was funny.

I’ll let you in on a secret though. Most of them figured I had no idea what I was doing. Truth is, I knew exactly what I was doing. :-)

Ace Masters

This . . . This is a True Story Intro

Hello and welcome to the first post of this faux new blog ‘This . . . This is a True Story.’

Here, on this blog, I will post True Stories from my life. Some of this stories will sound incredible, some downright stupid, many you may not believe, but they will all have one thing in common: They are true.

These are not short stories. Nothing here will be fiction. They will all be things I have done, were done to me, or I have experienced. These tales from my life will cover many things, some may be good, some may be bad, some funny, some heartbreaking, some heartwarming, and even some that may show me in a poor light.

No matter what true story I will share, it is not my intention to defame anyone, and some tales will show people in an unflattering way. To that end, the only identity that will be revealed is mine. I will not name any other person in my story, though they do exist.

I will post to This . . . This is a True Story at least once a week, on every Thursday evening, starting with today, January 1.

I wrote ‘faux new blog’ because I originally launched this blog last January 1, but do to my aneurysm, I never starting posting.

That changes today. Since this a Thursday, and is January 1, I will post my first This . . . This is a True Story, tonight!

Stayed tuned for a wicked tale from my early life that I call “It says PULL.”

Ace Masters