WHAT THE HELL?

Okay, some may not believe me, because I have written about it a few times, but my aneurysm doesn’t bother me that much. Truthfully, I am aware that it happened, and take care to pay attention to any small warning signs of another rapture, but other than that it doesn’t affect my life.

This story proves how little I even think about it, and how sometimes I completely forget about it, in a This is a True Story I call

WHAT THE HELL?

For them to do the surgery to repair the raptured blood vessel, they shaved the entire right side of my head – oddly not the left.

One day after being discharged, I had my entire head shaved, almost breaking down into tears.
People I know were split, some believed my hair would grow back, other said no way. I believed it would.

It did. In fact it grow back fuller and thicker than before, slowly, but it came back. In December, after almost a year, I actually needed a haircut! Never been so happy to get one. The first actual haircut of 2014.

After getting my hair cut and getting into my car, I checked out the cut in the mirror and ran my hand through my hair. When I hit a long grove in my skull with my fingers, I started too freaked out.

Seriously, I felt a long grove in my skull. I grabbed my phone to make a call . . .

Then it dawned on me! That was where they cut open my skull for the surgery. I completely forget about it!

Man, was I relieved, and felt silly.

Great to be alive though, and make mistakes like that.

 - Ace Masters

JAMMED – PRINTED – FIRED!

I once worked for a Mental Health company as billing manager, until there were massive cut backs due to idiotic miss-management. My office was closed and I was given three choices: unemployment, custodian at a half-way house, or work at a time-out center for teens and kids.

I choose the time-out center.

One of my new co-workers at the center rubbed me the wrong way. Too stuffed up, elitists, and know-it-all. Always bragging about his family and training to be a Firefighter. Whoopee!

For this job I worked Sunday – Wednesday, from 12P.M. to 10P.M. It really cramped my life in a number of ways.

One day, I got a call asking me to come into work to cover a shift, at 11:45AM. Fifteen minutes before the shift started. I wanted the overtime, so I went in. That is when I learned the story I call

JAMMED – PRINTED – FIRED!

I don’t even remember this guy’s name, but I remember him and that I couldn’t stand his ass. I didn’t work the same shift as him fortunately, but at times did have to work with him. It was hard being around a jackass like this.

The center dealt mostly with children and the occasional teens. It was a place where parents could bring their children for a 24-hour time out. Many of these children were disabled. It was our job to watch them and just take care of them for our shifts.

I went in and found out they wanted me to cover ‘Mr. Training to be a Firefighter’s’ shift. And asked if I would cover a few more nights until they hired someone new. This is when I found out he was fired that morning . . .

It was later in the evening when I found out why he was fired . . . and why he lost any chance at being a Firefighter.

We were allowed to use the computers, and even surf the net to some degree. Many things were blocked and we all had unique logins. This day there was one computer locked down and off limits.

One of my closet friends was one of the main IT guys for the company and come into the center around 6pm that day. He logged onto the locked computer and started to work. He told me what happened.

That morning, the center’s Director called IT because the printer wasn’t working. My friend came in, fixed the printer, and it started to print the last print job sent . . . A series of Hard Core porn images!

Mr. Holier-Than-Thou Training to be a Fireman got caught. He somehow was watching Porn and printed it out on the work computer, on his overnight shift, with kids in the building.

I couldn’t help but laugh. I loved it. It was the best thing that could happen to this guy.

Unfortunately for him, when his Father-in-Law, the assistant Fire Chief, found out, he was dropped from training.

His Wife – pregnant at the time – didn’t take kindly to it either.

 - Ace Masters

LESSON BY PUNCH

I have never really prided myself on being the ‘nice’ guy. Respectful, sure. Cool, yes.

Yet, there was a time in my life in which I was a jackass, and a borderline bully. I learned a very hard lesson, very quickly and it made an impact on me immediately.

This is a True Story I call, LESSON BY PUNCH.

This took place in England, when my dad was still in the US Air Force and I was going to school on the base. We lived off base in the closet town on ‘Base Housing.’ This happened on a cold, winter morning while a bunch of us military brats were waiting for the school buses.

My best friend at the time lived across the street, with his parents and two older brothers.

I was eleven at the time and his one brother was 16 or 17. A big boy too, even at his age he was pushed near three hundred pounds. A lot of people teased him about it, even me.

This one morning I took it way too far – “Fatty,” “Fat Boy” and I’m sure other degrading comments about his size. I don’t remember everything I said, but I know I crossed a line and I learned it the hard way when he Punched Me in the face.

He Punched Me as the bus rolled up to a stop. He was pissed, walked onto the bus and sat by himself. I got on and sat well away from him. My nose was bleeding fairly badly, and at first I thought he broke it. Of course the bus driver didn’t give a damn.

Under any other circumstances I would have be pissed, and yeah probably have started a fight. I wasn’t though, I was more embarrassed at this point and was trying to hide the bloody nose from fellow students on the bus.

Once we were at the base, he went to the High School and I went to the Middle School across the street. I went straight to the nurse to get checked out. I was bleeding, but nothing broken. She asked what happened – and I’m sure she knew someone hit me – but I wouldn’t tell her.

Over the course of the day my nose stopped bleeding, felt better and I thought a lot. I never expected him to hit me, he never had before. I thought a lot about why he did, and finally came to realize who was at fault.

We took separate busses home, and he was just getting off his bus when mine pulled up. I rushed off my bus and went after him, he didn’t want to know me, but I got him to talk to me for a moment, away from the gaze of both our parents.

I apologized to him. I said the words, “I’m sorry.” And told him why, from the heart. He apologized for hitting me, and let me know how much I had hurt him.

I made amends right there. For the next few years both are fathers were stationed there, we were friends. I never teased him again.

I rarely made fun of someone because of their weight or looks after that. Or really bullied anyone. I learned my lesson on that day.

Guess what? I deserved that punch in the face.

 - Ace Masters

Bully Frog

I have always loved animals. Always. Especially Rabbits, Dog and Lizards.

Yep Lizards and snakes. I love snakes. Was never allowed to have one as a pet when I was a kid, and don’t have one now. Maybe one day.

I did however has lots of little friends when I was a kid: lizards, yard snakes and frogs. Especially frogs.
This True Tail takes place in the early 1980’s when I was about 7 or 8 years old. My dad was stationed at Canon Air Force Base in New Mexico, and we lived on the base. Behind our house was a big open field with lots of trees and bushes. Off to the west of the house was a tennis court and basketball court. Just behind them was a small ravine.

The area around the ravine had an ecosystem all its own. Beautiful tall trees, lush bushes, a ton of mud. In the bushes and ton of mud where a ton more of FROGS. All types of frogs lived there. From tiny little tree frogs, to huge Bull Frogs.

This tale is about one particular Bull Frog I name Bully!

Bully Frog

I spent a lot of time among those bushes and trees, playing, feed, capturing the frogs. One frog in particular always had my interest, and one day I finally caught the big slippery bastard. I just wasn’t able to keep him.

That is, Mom wouldn’t let me keep him when she found out I had him in the house.

When I finally caught him, I put him into a bucket and loaded the bucket down with bugs for him to eat. I took him home, snuck him into the house and hid him in my room. I took a long storage container from the garage and turned it into a habitat.

I filled it with some mud, leaves, dead bugs and a little tray of water. I did this one day while my parents were visiting the neighbors next door. I hid him under my bed – smart move! He was there for about three or four days. I feed him more bugs each day and took him out at night and let him hop around – while my parents slept.

Then I came home from school and found the container from under my bed sitting on the kitchen table. Mom found Bully! I was in trouble! First thing I did was check the container and make sure he was okay. He was.

Then I faced the music. Mom wasn’t upset over Bully. She was more upset that I brought dirt, mud and bugs into the house, and the mess underneath my bed.

I argued to keep Bully that I would take care of him, play with him. She argued that keeping him wasn’t right, he might have a family (typical mom arguments, right?). I was allowed to keep him until the weekend then I would have to let him go.

It came to fast for my 7 or 8 year old self. I knew mom was right, but still . . .

I put him on the step to the front door, and sat down with him and feed him. He actually ate out of my hand believe it or not. Eventually he hopped around exploring our small enclosed front patio. After a few minutes I picked him up, to take him back to the ravine, but not before I did something.

I put a stripe down his back with a red marker. I could see it clearly when I finished. He didn’t like it though and squirmed out of my hand and jumped to the ground. He hopped off toward the ravine. I followed him all the way until he hopped into the base of a bush and out of sight.

I put some food at the area where I last saw him, waited for a few minutes, then went off to play with some friends at the basketball court.

I don’t know how long I was there, but when I heard mom calling I ran home. I checked on the way back, and the food was gone. I was sad that I couldn’t keep him, but glad that I knew where he would be.

Here’s the part that you won’t believe, but it’s true. A few days later I was leaving the house and there was a big frog in the front, enclosed patio just sitting there, with a red stripe on its back! It was Bully! I quickly picked up my little friend and feed him. I also showed my mom that he came back.

I didn’t keep him. I let him go.

Every so often, Bully would show up on the front porch looking for food, and I gladly feed and loved my little buddy. Today, as an adult thinking back I realized he probably came looking for food, and knew where to find it. I probably knew that somewhere deep inside as a kid too, but I thought that he also came to see me.

 - Ace Masters