Video Bonus: True Video of Max and Z!

This week there is no True Story.

This is a Short, grainy, but True Video of Max and Z!

MAX AND THE LADY AND Z

She has numerous nicknames: Z, Z-Dog, Z to the E, Zo, ZoZo. Weirdly enough she answers to all of them, but her actual name is Zoie. Zoie is the Australian Queensland Shepard that my mother and I found abounded and we kept.

She is the same Zoie that found me collapsed in the yard and got my mom the night my aneurysm burst.

I’ve wrote about that before, and how we found her.

This tale takes place well before my collapse, at a point when my dad was still alive. At the time the family consisted of: Mom, Dad, I, Lady, Max and Zoie. Six of us. Yes, I had Lady, Max and Zoie all at the same time for six years.

This tale takes place within the first year I had Zoie, when she was still in Puppy Stage.

This is a True Story I call MAX AND THE LADY AND Z.

This also takes place after the previous two MAX AND THE LADY tales – when Lady was no longer quite afraid of Max, but was protective of him.

Especially from Zoie. Yes, Zoie.

Zoie, the gentle, goofy always wanting to play little dog. Even today, she is gentle and wants nothing more than to play – at eight years old. During this time the little mischief maker never knew what to make of Max.

I don’t know if she ever realized (at first) Max was a living creature, she always seemed to treat him like a toy, or a rock.

While Lady would ignore Max and let him do his thing, Zoie used to pay him quite a bit of attention. She would often bounce around him, as if waiting to strike. She would sniff him, looking at him curiously. More than once she would whack him with her paw.

Yep, Zoie would walk up to a moving Max and hit him on the back with her paw. A few times she even flipped him over.

One time I was lifting weights in my backyard make-shift gym when I heard this large bark, followed by a growl. It was Lady. I rounded the corner to see Lady growling at Zoie, they were about ten feet apart.
Lady growled a little more, then let loose with a short, loud, series of barks.

Walking over, I saw the issue.

ZOIE HAD MAX IN HER MOUTH! She had picked Max up and was holding him in her mouth.

Zoie dropped Max right on the brick patio and trotted off the like nothing happened. I came over and put Max right side up. Lady come over, licked Max on his shell and sat down.

This wasn’t the only time this happen. I caught Zoie ‘playing’ with Max a few times. Once she even picked him up and tossed him across the yard, as if trying to crack him open. Any time Lady saw this, she put Zoie in her place with a bark and growl.

And don’t tell me Zoie didn’t know she was doing wrong. Any time she was caught, she would stop, put her head down and mope.

Ace.

Max and the Lady Part 2

As I wrote last story, Lady – the Pitbull – was afraid of Max – The Turtle – after Max snapped at her when she tried to eat his dinner one day.

She was afraid of the little guy for quite some time. Eventually she started to go near him again, but rarely close enough to sniff like at one time. I’m sure she remembered him snapping at her, and in her mind it was probably for no good reason.

Well, one day years later I witnessed one of the most unbelievable and beautiful things I have ever seen.

This is a True Story I call Max and the Lady Part 2

It can be amazing to discover something new – and scary.

This was something I had never thought of until I saw it one day: A Bird tried to pick up Max. Yes, a bird tried to pick up Max and fly off with him. This happened more than once. For food I guess, never thought about it before the first time.

One morning, very early, around one or two AM, Lady started to bark. She often barked when she needed to go outside to do her business. This wasn’t just one loud bark – it was continuous and she sounded upset. I got up, checked on her and put the lights on out back.

I saw birds in the yard and that was it.

I let Lady out and she bolted straight for the birds, scattering and running them out of the yard. I had no idea what was going on. I ran over and found Max on his back, trying desperately to turn over. Lady nudged him with her nose, and his feet just waved about in the air.

I watched as she put her entire snout under him and flipped him over onto his feet. He stayed there for a second, got his bearings on the rocks, then slowly walked off.

Lady? She let out a massive sigh, plopped to the ground and watched him walk off with what looked like a giant grin.

Lady had seen Max on his back, with the birds pecking at him. She barked her head off to be let out, then went to his rescue.

Friends again.

Ace.

MAX AND THE LADY – PART 1

I have written a few times about my late best friend, my Pitbull Lady.

I believe I have mentioned my little buddy Max, too. Max was a desert turtle whose name alternated between Max Power and Maximillion Shell (a play on the actor).

I had both of them at the same time. In fact I got Max from the same co-worker who gave me Lady as a puppy. I took them both home within weeks of each other.

For a brief time I had Max in a typical turtle glass enclosure, but I didn’t feel right about it. Eventually I let Max loose in the back yard, and that is where he lived for 9 years. I gave him water and food every day, and he had the full run of a very large back yard.

Max’s favorite food? Hamburger believe it or not. Ground hamburger. He loved it.

This is a True Story I call Max and the Lady Part 1.

He loved Hamburger. So did Lady.

Around the time of this tale Lady was around ten weeks old. A puppy, but still much larger than Max. Lady would sniff him out and check him out at times, but generally left him alone. Then one day, this happened . . .

I found Max in the back yard and brought him up onto the patio to feed him. I put him down gently and laid a nice sized piece of hamburger in front of him. He took a few seconds to look around, extended his neck out, than chomped down on dinner.

Lady trotted over, sniffed Max, then the hamburger. Lady nudge the hamburger with her nose and . . .

MAX SNAPPED AT HER!

Yes, the tiny turtle snapped at the Pitbull trying to take his dinner. He barely missed taking a chunk out her poor nose.

Lady let out a piercing shriek and ran behind a patio chair and hid. SERIOUSLY!

For a long time after that poor Lady was afraid of Max and wouldn’t go near him.

An attempt to ‘make things better’ backfired the day I held Max up, and let Lady sniff him from behind. I had hoped if she would come up this close, then she wouldn’t be afraid of him any more . . .

But then he peed on her.

Ace.

BUT I MADE IT FOR YOU. NO YOU DIDN’T!

There are things I hate. Yes, I know Hate is a strong word.

One thing I hate: When people won’t take no for an answer. You know, the kind of people who will continue to try and force or talk a person into doing something they don’t want to, but the other person does.

Another thing I hate is when someone LIES to try and get one to do what they want. And even turns the table to try and make the person feel guilty for not doing it.

Most people will end up just doing what the person wants to appease them or shut them up. I don’t. I don’t let it slide either.

This is a true tale of a former client who tried to make me eat a dish I didn’t want to and don’t like – and lied to try and make me feel guilty for not eating it, and trying to force me to eat it.

This is a True Store I Call: BUT I MADE IT FOR YOU. NO YOU DIDN’T!

My mother and I had a client once that would often try to get me to try things, or give me things I didn’t want. She wouldn’t take NO for an answer. She was a nice person, but it got annoying.

One day, we were working for her and I overheard her telling my mom about a party she was holding that night, and how she specially made her “famous” Bean Casserole (or something like that) for the party. (Yes, she actually did refer to her Bean Casserole as famous).

A little later, she called me into the kitchen and had me sit down and served me a piece of her Bean Casserole. I declined, I wasn’t hungry I said. She insisted. I said no thank you.

She continued to insist and was getting pissy. I finally told her I don’t like beans – and I don’t. I hate them.

So, what did the bitch do? She fucking lied to my face and tried to guilt me into eating the stuff. She told me that she made the Bean Casserole specifically for me. Yes, she made it for me as a surprise. All of a sudden, she turned nasty. The party was out of the window, and she now said she made this dish strictly for me, and she felt so bad that I wouldn’t even taste it.

I finally had enough. I don’t let people get away with trying to push or guilt me. My response, “I thought you made this for your party?”

After this she never talked to me again. In fact, we stopped working for her a little later.

– Ace

WAVE WAVE WAVE . . .

Last Wednesday I changed my mind on the True Story I planned on posting that Thursday, and posted about something that happened that Wednesday. Well, I had planned to push the original story back to today (Thursday), then this happened last Thursday after I posted DON’T LOOK.

Whatever happened I’m still confused about. So is my mom. It happened when we were leaving a Wal-Mart parking lot (see Wal-Mart again!), and were stuck at a Red Light, in a Left Turn Lane for almost twenty-minutes.

This is a True Story I Call Wave, Wave, Wave . . .

There are two ways out of this Wal-Mart Parking lot. The southern exit pulls right out onto an intersection of the Main Road and the Freeway, and right into construction. We decided to go out the west exit, where the construction had just finished and the road would take us straight home.

No cars were at the lights, and I pulled up and stopped at the red light. First in line, first to turn. At this exit one can only turn left or right, there is no road on the other side, just a field. The arrows were red and traffic was flowing nice. A few cars pulled up, turning right. Cars lined up behind us.

We were still there waiting. And Waiting.

And Waiting.

I considered pulling over and turning right, since that lane was empty. The only problem there, is it would take us in the opposite direction. Mom decided to wait.
The light didn’t change. Some cars pulled out from behind us, turning right – eventually getting stuck in the road works. Others started honking their horns.

At me! The arrow was red, and I wasn’t pulling out into traffic. The only thing I could think of, is someone wanted me to pull up further, and trip that imaginary line people believe there is that will make the lights change. It doesn’t exist people.

Finally, this blue coup driven by a haggard looking old lady pulled out of line from behind us into the right turn lane. She didn’t turn, instead she stopped by us, and started mouthing off. She actually started waving. Waving?

Not waving hello.

She mouthed off and was waving at me to Pull Out. My mom rolled down her window slightly and I heard, “Fucking Pull Up. Go . . .” and more. According to this haggard lady, I was holding up traffic, not the red light.

Then the guy behind her laid on his horn for her to turn.

I would have turned right, but that lane filled up. No one else made any gestures or mouthed off though.

The light finally turned Green and we went home.

My mother shrugged it off, explaining that she felt the woman was waving for us to turn right. My GREAT mom is like that. Always look for a good things, in a bad.
I felt different though, damn bitch wanted me to pull out and turn left on a red light, with traffic on the road!

As I wrote above, whatever happened there (and whichever of us is right), the whole thing with the haggard lady was confusing.

 – Ace

P.S. One thing, I don’t see how she could have been waving for me to turn right since she was in the right turn lane and I couldn’t turn with her there.

DON'T LOOK!

This is not the story I had planned to post today, but this happened just yesterday. I still don’t know exactly what happened. Confused really. Whatever this was it went from me allowing a woman to go ahead of me when leaving a store, them me being a “fucking asshole.”

Yes, this is true. Yes, things like this do happen to me. Yes, I do have witnesses to some of these.

This is a True Store I call DON’T LOOK.

For this story I can’t change anyone’s name, because I don’t know the name.

Yesterday afternoon, around five PM, I went to my local Target to look for something. I didn’t find it, but since I had more errands to run, I decided to grab a coke. Since all I had was a coke, I used the new self-check and was one my way within two minutes.

As I stepped away from the self-check, a nice looking young lady came my way, heading toward the exit. I stopped, and let her go ahead of me. I recognized her as the person who had been at customer service when I walked in.

As she headed toward the door, she looked back and said, “Don’t look at my ass.”

WHAT?! I was taking a drink at the time and my eyes where nowhere near looking at her.

She left the store, and I was right after her. She headed down the same isle I was parked in. I really didn’t know what to think. Was she serious? Was this some odd come on?

She looked back again and said, “I said don’t look at my ass!”

She was serious. It felt like she was accusing me of something. I could have stepped to the side and went down another isle to my car, but that would be suspicious. Instead I figured out what I would say if she . . .

“Stop looking at my ass!”

I really don’t know what her problem was. “I would if you stopped looking to me,” I said as I continued on to my car.

It took her a few seconds to “get” what I said. As I got into my jeep, I heard a “Fucking Asshole,” yelled my way.

Ace.