Bully Frog

I have always loved animals. Always. Especially Rabbits, Dog and Lizards.

Yep Lizards and snakes. I love snakes. Was never allowed to have one as a pet when I was a kid, and don’t have one now. Maybe one day.

I did however has lots of little friends when I was a kid: lizards, yard snakes and frogs. Especially frogs.
This True Tail takes place in the early 1980’s when I was about 7 or 8 years old. My dad was stationed at Canon Air Force Base in New Mexico, and we lived on the base. Behind our house was a big open field with lots of trees and bushes. Off to the west of the house was a tennis court and basketball court. Just behind them was a small ravine.

The area around the ravine had an ecosystem all its own. Beautiful tall trees, lush bushes, a ton of mud. In the bushes and ton of mud where a ton more of FROGS. All types of frogs lived there. From tiny little tree frogs, to huge Bull Frogs.

This tale is about one particular Bull Frog I name Bully!

Bully Frog

I spent a lot of time among those bushes and trees, playing, feed, capturing the frogs. One frog in particular always had my interest, and one day I finally caught the big slippery bastard. I just wasn’t able to keep him.

That is, Mom wouldn’t let me keep him when she found out I had him in the house.

When I finally caught him, I put him into a bucket and loaded the bucket down with bugs for him to eat. I took him home, snuck him into the house and hid him in my room. I took a long storage container from the garage and turned it into a habitat.

I filled it with some mud, leaves, dead bugs and a little tray of water. I did this one day while my parents were visiting the neighbors next door. I hid him under my bed – smart move! He was there for about three or four days. I feed him more bugs each day and took him out at night and let him hop around – while my parents slept.

Then I came home from school and found the container from under my bed sitting on the kitchen table. Mom found Bully! I was in trouble! First thing I did was check the container and make sure he was okay. He was.

Then I faced the music. Mom wasn’t upset over Bully. She was more upset that I brought dirt, mud and bugs into the house, and the mess underneath my bed.

I argued to keep Bully that I would take care of him, play with him. She argued that keeping him wasn’t right, he might have a family (typical mom arguments, right?). I was allowed to keep him until the weekend then I would have to let him go.

It came to fast for my 7 or 8 year old self. I knew mom was right, but still . . .

I put him on the step to the front door, and sat down with him and feed him. He actually ate out of my hand believe it or not. Eventually he hopped around exploring our small enclosed front patio. After a few minutes I picked him up, to take him back to the ravine, but not before I did something.

I put a stripe down his back with a red marker. I could see it clearly when I finished. He didn’t like it though and squirmed out of my hand and jumped to the ground. He hopped off toward the ravine. I followed him all the way until he hopped into the base of a bush and out of sight.

I put some food at the area where I last saw him, waited for a few minutes, then went off to play with some friends at the basketball court.

I don’t know how long I was there, but when I heard mom calling I ran home. I checked on the way back, and the food was gone. I was sad that I couldn’t keep him, but glad that I knew where he would be.

Here’s the part that you won’t believe, but it’s true. A few days later I was leaving the house and there was a big frog in the front, enclosed patio just sitting there, with a red stripe on its back! It was Bully! I quickly picked up my little friend and feed him. I also showed my mom that he came back.

I didn’t keep him. I let him go.

Every so often, Bully would show up on the front porch looking for food, and I gladly feed and loved my little buddy. Today, as an adult thinking back I realized he probably came looking for food, and knew where to find it. I probably knew that somewhere deep inside as a kid too, but I thought that he also came to see me.

 - Ace Masters

PLAYING THE MARKETEER

Don’t you hate telemarketing calls?

Me too.

Well, read on to see how my mom and I handled one the other day in this True Story I call PLAYING THE MARKETEER.

The other day my mom and I were having lunch when the home phone rang, with a number coming out of Colorado. The answering machine picked up, but whoever called hung up. We ignored it.

Almost immediately my cell phone rang, it was the same number. I answered, the person on the other side asked for William . . . This was not good, William was my father, who died in 2009. I asked who this was, then my mom pounced.

“If you can find him, please let me know,” She said. Yep, she went there.

There was dead silence on the other end. I thought the guy hung up, he didn’t. “Is he missing?” he asked.

My mom repeated herself. This guy seemed in shocked and asked again, “Is he missing?”

I asked him how he got this number. He didn’t answer for a few seconds, then said, “Give me a minute. I just found out something disturbing.”

“What?” My mom asked.

“William is missing?” He said/asked again.

“How did you get this number?” I asked again.

This is where he slipped. “It’s on the paper they give us.”

“This was never my dad’s number,” I repeated, “how did you get this number.”

“It’s on the list of numbers they give us to call,” he said. He was really rattled by what my mom said, more or less admitting what he was.

“Well, like I said, if you can find him, tell him to get in contact with me.” My mom said.

“I’m sorry . . .” The guy muttered than hung up.

Yeah, we played the telemarketer, and this guy seemed really rattled by my mom. No one said my dad was missing, but he took my mom’s comment to mean he was, and for some reason that bothered him.

In case you’re wondering, no, this guy couldn’t have been a friend or family member of my dad. If he was he would never have called him William. My dad only ever went by Bill, and hated to be called William.

 - Ace Masters

Paper and Fire

Some people are just stupid.

Something I really hate is when people give out my cell number and tell other people I will do things, without asking me or telling me anything.

I also don’t like it when people just expect me to drop what I am doing and come running. People may not like this, but I’m not “Mister Helpful.”

This is one of those time in a True Story I call Paper and Fire.

Over Christmas I got an odd call from an elderly lady – a nutcase of a woman I really don’t like. I don’t know how she got my number, but for some reason she is convinced then when she needs me, I will come running. She has told me so.

This is an ongoing thing.

Anyway, she called me around 5:00 P.M. telling me she needed me to come over and burn some papers for her. Yep, burn paper. She didn’t give a damn that I had plans.

She had bank statements and other sensitive papers she needed me to “burn in a bucket.” Her exact words. I told her to shred the papers, it would be faster and safer. She claimed she didn’t know how to use the shredder, her late husband use to do it.

It would only take a few minutes, she told me.

Yep, this woman expected me to drop everything I had planned to run over to her house and burn paperwork. Never mind that that is illegal in Arizona!

Some people are just nuts.

No, I didn’t go over.

 - Ace Masters

Hey, Watch That Hand

There is a lot of talk going on about sexual harassment nowadays (long overdue). Unfortunately it happens, and it goes both ways. Yes, more women are harassed by men, no doubt. But men do get harassed by women.

It’s not the fact that people don’t believe men when it happens. It’s the fact that most people don’t believe men can be sexually harassed because, well, we are Men.

This is a True Story I call HEY, WATCH THAT HAND.

At one time I worked with Senior Citizens for years and had my own clientele. I did handyman work, odd jobs, errands and took them shopping and to appointments.

At one time I had a particular female client that was a little too attached to me. Before I go any further here, I have to mention this: She did NOT have Dementia or Alzheimer’s. I know this because I took her to her doctor regularly.

How much is too attached? I was once in her bedroom, flipping her mattress when she said this: “If I was twenty years younger, I’d jump your bones.” Yep. She was pushing eighty at the time and was a horny old lady.

It became somewhat of a joke, as she said it quite often.

It stopped being a joke one day when I was taking her home from a doctors’ visit. When we got in the car, she repeated it again. Mere moments later, when I pulled onto her drive way . . .

She reached over and tried to shove her hand down my pants! True! She failed and tried to get my belt buckle undone!

It was very uncomfortable, very awkward and very much across the line. I shut it down, help her out of the car and got her in her house. Then I got the hell out of there.

NO, I didn’t like it. I really didn’t know how I was feeling at the time, other then I wanted to get home and forget it.


 - Ace Masters

HEY – WHAT THE HELL??

Ever run into somebody who thinks you are someone else?

Ever had somebody ask you if you are so-and-so?

Yeah, that is sort of what happen in this true tale. Sort. If only . . .

This is a True Tale I call – HEY – WHAT THE HELL??

This happened in the late ‘90’s, so I was about 25 or so. It happened at what was once the great Metro Center Mall in Phoenix.

I was leaving the mall by the second floor entrance/exit, next to the Skate Board Rink they had just put in.

As I was going out the doors, I heard someone calling. I had no idea who they were calling. It wasn’t my name.

Then someone jumped me from behind. I found myself in a headlock with someone giving me a ‘noogie,’ rubbing their fist back and forth across my skull as fast and hard as they could.

I was pissed. I stood up, threw this fucker off right into the side wall outside the mall entrance.

He looked stunned and scared.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the shit out of this guy was that I saw two Cops eating lunch on a bench outside the mall.

He then muttered something about me NOT being his friend.

I remember vividly staring at him, not saying a word. The image in my mind was me putting him face first through the glass door.

He eventually (after a few seconds) ran back into the mall, where two of his friends were waiting. They never came out, probably had no idea what was going on.

I was so pissed at that moment that part of me wanted to follow this guy – who looked about 20 at the most – but I didn’t.

Though I think he thought I was. He and his friends were at the top of the escalator when I walked back in. He quickly hightailed it down the escalator.

All I went back in for was to get a coke from the vending machine.

 - Ace Masters

A FOOTBALL PLAYER, A STUDENT AND THE PRINCIPAL WALK INTO THE LOBBY . . .

Sometimes you just have to see things to believe it. Even then it can be hard.

I know this happened. I witnessed it firsthand. I still find it hard to believe. I don’t find the consequences afterward hard to believe though.

This is A True Story I call A FOOTBALL PLAYER, A STUDENT AND THE PRINCIPAL WALK INTO THE LOBBY . . .

I started at my new High School in the middle of the school year on the first day of the second semester. This actually happened on the morning of my first day when one of the counselors was showing me around the school, starting with my locker.

Students were pouring into the lobby getting ready for school to start, and I was meeting the kids with lockers around mine when we all heard loud shouting. Two guys were in a full blown fist fight, really laying into each other. The female counselor showing me around never made a move. In fact the Vice Principal was in the lobby, then walked away when he saw the fight.

After a minute or two the Principal came barreling out his office and tried to break up the fight, calling for help. The bigger of the two guys fighting – who I learned later was a star footballer and senior – turned to the principal and slugged him right in the face, sending him sprawling to the ground.

The fight didn’t stop until the football couch himself (also a teacher at the school) showed up.

This was a nasty fight and the principal ended up with a broken nose and black eye. As I wrote, the bigger of the two students was a star footballer player, the other was just a student, not into any sports.

The aftermath and consequence of this? The student who hit the principal (on purpose) never received any punishments. He played out the football season, graduated and went to college on a scholarship.

The other (non-sport) student, was expelled.

Unbelievable, but believable.

Not quite fair though.


 - Ace Masters

The First This is a True Story of 2018: When is a Gift Not a Gift – Stupid

Welcome to 2018! Welcome Back to This Is A True Story.

The first True Story blog of this fine New Year.

For this first post of 2018 I figured I would write something that took place over this Holiday Season.

Yep, this is a current True Tale from my life.

Let me ask you this: Have you ever gotten a gift you really didn’t what? I’m sure you have, and politely accepted it.

This is one of those times, in a True Story I call: When is a Gift Not a Gift – Stupid

Have you ever had someone invade your life? Someone you don’t really like having around, but who just won’t leave you alone? Well, I do.

There is an elderly lady, pushing 90, who doesn’t get the hint that I HATE her (yes, HATE). There are numerous reason for this, but let’s just say she is the worst and stupidest person I have ever met. I do errands and shopping for her on occasion, but not by my own choice. Let’s just leave it at that.

The week before Christmas I did shopping for her, from the only grocery story she will shop at: Safeway. (As a side note, I once bought something from Wal-Mart for her that Safeway didn’t have in stock. She threw it out immediately and cussed me out. Nice Lady)

She made a point of telling me how much she loved me, and that she had a great gift for me when I would get back from shopping. She made a point of really hyping up the gift and told me, ‘No one cares for you like I do, and no one has given you a gift like this.’

When I returned from doing the shopping she gave me the gift. A gift no one has ever given me: 2, $50 gift cards to Safeway.

Yep, two gift cards to Safeway: A Place I have never shopped for myself in my entire life.

Turns out, a neighbor had taken her to Safeway the day before to get the gift cards, but she couldn’t be bothered to do her shopping while there? Why? Because she had to have me do it. In her mind, somehow she is helping me out (she’s told me this numerous times).

I didn’t want them, or anything from here, but I politely took them.

On New Year’s Day I was driving by a Safeway and decided to stop in. I figured I might as well use them. So, I grabbed some ribs, steaks and BBQ chicken from the Deli, went to the cashier and was never so embarrassed in my life.

This has never happened to me.

Everything rung up to about $95. I swiped the first card – twice. Nothing. Blank.

I swiped the second card – four times. Nothing. Blank.

The cards were blank, never activated. I only had $40.00 in my wallet, and I wasn’t going to use my card. The only reason I was even there was the gift cards. The cashier rolled her eyes, and people in the packed line were getting pissy.

I didn’t get any of the stuff. This was embarrassing. I have never not had the money to buy anything.

I went to Customer Service, they checked: Cards blank; never activated. They also gave me a receipt showing the cards were blank.

My next stop, this bitch’s house.

I told her what happened. Her response (and I quote), “Are you stupid? You’re supposed to activate the cards first.”

Yep, according to her I was supposed to activate the cards.

When I explained to her she was supposed to do that, and pay for the amount on the card, she disagreed, telling me the cards were pre-paid.

Turns out she never paid for the card, she just grabbed them and left!

Yep, true story: She stole the Gift Cards!

Yeah, and I’m stupid.

 - Ace Masters